I have had an amazing few days here. I hope it's not too long.

My shower was great, for me at least. I'm not sure if the others were bored. But Angela got us Chick-fil-A and Michelle brought some fruits and veggies. There was a ton of desserts and Chick-fil-A tea. That stuff is like cocaine (I guess?). It was nice to see more than the 4 or 5 I was predicting. I tried to mingle but I'm not too good at that. I tend to pick a few people or a spot and stick with that. So I had to leave my comfort zone a bit but fortunately I knew everyone there and had to remind myself that they chose to be there. And Willow got a ton of clothes and toys and much needed items including the awesome jogging stroller I had my heart set on. I knew I could count on my mom for that. I really only have a few more things I need. We need a dresser for all the clothes and a few really good gates for at the top of the stairs (got a few months on those) and maybe a car seat. Otherwise we're pretty good. I think we'll have a garage sale or something to buy those bigger things. The good news is I'm no longer worried or stressed out about any of that. I can see how it's going to work out.

Sunday was pretty normal (I think, there's a big chunk of the day I can't remember at all). Abby started VBS that night. When I got home Todd called to tell us about a silver Sienna they saw.

Monday we went to see said Sienna. We called and the guy let us drive it right away. It was awesome! So at 3:30 we bought it. Waiting really paid off. I love this van. It's just so amazing to me that God would want to give me something like that when I clearly don't deserve it. I knew he would meet our needs but at the same time we had to be financially responsible with what he had already given us. God knew what we wanted and what we needed and I left it with him to do what was best for us. I expected a decent van at a cheap price that would hopefully be reliable. That pretty much eliminated the Siennas and Odysseys we preferred. Even the old ones were way out of our "financially responsible" range. We were prepared to accept less if that was best for now but still hadn't found anything. That's what makes it all the more amazing. This 2001 Sienna is loaded with features we hadn't even heard of and yet relatively cheap. I'm still glowing that God gave this to us and so quickly. By 5 I had it insured. The license branch was closed on Monday but by 9am on Tuesday we had the license and registration done. By 5pm I had it all shampooed and ready to go. Abby and I drove it to church for VBS. I got used to it pretty quickly. I spent about an hour just sitting in it in the parking lot getting used to where all the buttons were and what it was like in all the other seats. Can't stop smiling...

Oh and did I mention the other amazing thing God did? By around 4 on Tuesday we had already sold our old car. My dad called to talk about the van. Then we talked about the old car and he basically said "sold". His brother needs it. That is a such a huge answer to so many other problems we were facing that would make this entry entirely too long. I still can't believe it. I hear about these things happening to other people but not to us. I'm still stunned. And I feel a new sense of calmness now about our family getting so much bigger. I have been much more worried about going from 2 to 3 than I ever was about going from 1 to 2. I'm starting to see how this is all going to be not just okay but fun and right. I'm ready.

We thought about going to Holiday World today but the chance of rain changed my mind. I think the best day now would be Friday. I want to go to Splashing Safari again.

This Thursday we are going to Kids' World at 10am. All are welcome.

For the past few weeks I have felt larger than I remember ever feeling with Abby and Luke. It turns out I am measuring about 2 weeks bigger than my due date (actual due date of August 10th). That makes me feel better about feeling so big and weighing more than I did with them. I thought I was being a weenie. I'll have another ultrasound in 3 or 4 weeks to see how big Willow is. I'm guessing bigger than the other two as well.

Mentally I'm hitting a bad stage. I'm starting to get depressed and anxious and tired and angry and all the other good stuff. Things were going so smoothly. I think I called it an "eerie calmness". Well, that's just about gone. Now I just can't believe I have 7 more weeks to go when it feels like two tops. But how can I complain? Women do this all the time and there are many who are farther along then I am who are handling it well.

At least I have a few things to look forward to in between now and then. I have my baby shower this Saturday. Then there's the 4th of July (even though I dislike fireworks, Jason and I may go do something without the children). Then there's Jamie and Chandra's wedding on the 7th. Then Angela will be having Madelyn a week or two later. That will probably be pleasantly distracting for me since I can think about someone other then myself, but there's always a chance that I'll suddenly go crazy right after that. But of course, we still need to buy a van. I don't consider that a good thing, but any change will help.

I'm having a bay shower June 23rd thanks to Angela Collins who practically insisted. Otherwise I would have chickened out. (Thanks, Angela!) I'm very paranoid about this. Angela's own shower was great. It was comfortable and there were lots of people there supporting her and tons of presents. She even had five close friends who threw the shower for her. I was a bit envious but mostly happy for her.

I have this image of mine where there are about 5 people who show up, that's including me and Angela (if she hasn't had her own baby by then). My sixteenth birthday party all over again. I have a few loyal friends that I know will come regardless of how socially inept I am and I thank God for them. I should probably thank them too. When it comes to friends, I'm an idiot. I know people say "be yourself" and I do try to but "myself" is not such a good quality (if people knew half of what was in my heart...)

So I'm terrified that hardly anyone will come. I'm also scared that people who receive the invitations will think since I haven't seen them or spoken to them in awhile that I must just be wanting their presents. The reason I haven't seen or spoken to some is what I've been mentioning all along. I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people. Presents are great but right now I just need to know that people care about me and the pregnancy/baby. That's even more pathetic than just wanting presents.

And since this is my third, it's not all that common to have showers. I thought I was done after two and gave back or sold a lot of what I had. And this one feels different, like the first two were necessary and this one is extra, like dessert. I didn't need it but I wanted it badly at the time without thinking it entirely through (because, let's face it, kids aren't really practical when you think about it and I base 95% of my decisions on practicality). And just like dessert, there are times when I'm excited that I have this extra treat and sometimes I wonder if I took too much. Does that make any sense? Plus, I know what I'm doing and I feel like I'm completely different than I was when I had the other two. There's an eerie calmness to this pregnancy. I'm not sure if it's good or bad.

And if you are reading this and didn't receive an invitation, it's probably because I was too paranoid to invite you, assuming that you wouldn't want to come. Dumb, I know. You can still come if you want.

Sometimes I wish I were Jewish.

It seems to me every time I see scripture from its Jewish roots it becomes that much richer.

I'm reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell (the NOOMA video guy). He has a section on rabbis that fascinates me. I'll mention a few in case you find Jewish stuff as useful as I do.

"Now the rabbis understood that the Bible is open-ended and has to be interpreted...Different rabbis had different sets of rules, which were really different lists of what they forbade and what they permitted. A rabbi's set of rules and lists, which was really that rabbi's interpretation of how to live the Torah, was called that rabbi's yoke...And when you followed that rabbi, you were taking up that rabbi's yoke."

(Matthew 11:29, 30 - Jesus says "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me...For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.")

Also, "Rabbis would spend hours discussing with their students what it meant to live out a certain text. If...the rabbi thought the student had totally missed the point, the rabbi would say, "You have abolished the Torah,"...if the student got it right,...that rabbi would say, "You have fulfilled the Torah.""

(This sounds familiar: Matthew 5:17.)

He also explains that most rabbis taught the yoke of a well-respected rabbi who came before him. But if someone came along with a new yoke, or a new interpretation, he needed the authority of two other rabbis. He compares this with Jesus' baptism where he has John and the voice of God affirming his authority.

Here is another interesting item. "Now the rabbis had technical terms for this endless process of forbidding and permitting and making interpretations. They called it "binding and loosing". To "bind" something was to forbid it. To "loose" something was to allow it...And when he gave his disciples the authority to bind and loose, it was called "giving the keys of the kingdom".

(Matthew 16:18 and 18:18)

That's cool. I'm closer to getting it now. There's lots more but that seems like more than enough for me to say since none of it is my idea.