It took me longer than expected to collect my thoughts. I still feel pretty crappy but I have my better moments occasionally. I even made supper last night for the first time in a while. But then I ate it and felt bad.

I'm having a hard time maintaining a normal body temperature. Exposed skin is cold skin. So I cover up and get too hot. Either way my pits are sweaty. Pregnancy is glamorous. I choose the blanket because I'd rather sweat than shiver.

I went to Walmart by myself (with Luke). I haven't done that in many weeks. It went better than expected. And fortunately, I'm craving healthy stuff like turkey and tomatoes and cantaloupe. Unfortunately, that stuff is more expensive. And the fruits and veggies aren't quite the same in the middle of winter. They are as pale as me.

I bought my first maternity shirt today. I have some old ones and got some as a gift but this was the first time I bought one for myself. It was pretty easy since it was just a gray long sleeve shirt. That pretty much sums up who I am. Maternity clothes are getting better. The pants don't have giant kangaroo pouches in the front that are impossible to hide. They are also adjustable now. What genius figured this out and why did it take so long? Everything I wore with Abby and Luke looked like a parachute with a hole cut out for my head. And nothing fit my belly because it was relatively small. That's a good thing, but nothing fit right. I'm looking forward to being big this summer. Maternity shorts are so darn cute and flattering! That's sarcasm. I can't find a good way to convey that in type. Anyway, maybe the shorts have improved too.

Here's another thought. Man, I'm on a roll now. Since I have had two c-sections, I have no choice but a third one. Wouldn't want to rupture. I shouldn't be too disappointed since I had the first two because I don't go into labor. You can induce me all you want but that cervix isn't budging. Yet, when my doctor said no way, I still got upset. Going through labor and deliver is like some lofty club or rite of passage that I feel I missed out on. I think it's also a pride thing that I want to show myself and everyone else how tough and strong I am. It's pretty stupid. And when I mention just how badly I wanted to experience it, most women make some comment about how it's not a good thing and blah, blah, blah. I stop listening. Even though it's dumb, I still really wanted to experience it. But after she said no, it took all of 10 minutes and I was over it. I would rather know now than after months of hoping and praying like the last two. Now I can just relax and plan. Besides, a spinal is so much better than an epidural. A c-section really is a piece of cake. Nothing for me to do. And I heal quickly. Will I be this relaxed about it sitting in the pre-surgery area for an hour on an empty stomach just knowing what's about to happen? It's an ominous room. I'd rather just go in an get it going. They want me to sit and ponder the needles, scalpels and my own mortality a bit before getting started. Again, it's better than futile labor. Jenny and Michelle were there at 2 in the morning on my 3rd semi-functional epidural and a temperature of 102 or something, cervix unresponsive. This way is much better. Now I just have to pick the birthday. That's another cool feature of the planned c. I'm leaning towards August 3rd. Anybody got any ideas?

Wow, I had more words in me than I thought. I don't speak much when I'm nauseous. But when I type I can keep my mouth shut. Thanks for listening. My armpits are sweaty.