I've learned that I can't be a writer or a psychologist, two things I thought I would be good at. I can't be a writer for several reasons. The biggest is that I am a perfectionist and when you write, there's a personal style to it that isn't right or wrong, just liked or not liked. I can't deal with that. I hate subjectivity and embrace all things objective. I need things to be black and white, measurable and able to be completed. Writing is none of those. I was miserable trying to do it. Nothing I wrote was perfect or felt complete. I felt vulnerable, weak, and sick. I'm crazy, I know. Another reason I can't do it is because I can't sell myself. I can't say, "I wrote this and it's good. I am a good writer." I can't do it. I was miserable and I gave it up for now.

I can't be a psychologist because they have to give advice and suggestions that people may or may not follow. I can't deal with that either. If I give advice, I believe I am completely right and must therefore be obeyed. I don't counsel, I command. I don't give suggestions, I dictate. I know my weakness so I wouldn't be very helpful to anybody.

I've discovered my area of most skill is administrative. When something needs to be done, I get it done on time and done right. I don't like working with a team because I end up doing most of the work anyway so I'd rather do things myself or delegate. I am good with paperwork and I'm detail-oriented. The problem is, I have nothing to do. But at least I'm learning what I can and can't do. I'll make Jason a fine secretary someday.