I'm due December 6th. I remember last summer when we were just trying to get pregnant I told some people I just don't want a Christmas baby. I even remember in March when the opportunity to become pregnant presented itself (which is a rarity for me) I calculated, like most women, that if I got pregnant I would be due in December. Up until about the last minute I wasn't going to even take the chance. But the chances were so few and far between that I had to mention to Jason that we had an opportunity. But should we even try? Jason said it was all up to God. We just have to do our part. Poor guy. Anyway, that's how it all started. I figured for a while that I might go early in December and that wouldn't be too bad. But, once again, I'm measuring small and early like with Abby, who was 18 days overdue. So calculate it with me. If I'm due on the 6th and have a good possibilty to go 2 weeks over...Christmas. I'm just praying I'll go into labor so I can have a VBAC. Otherwise, it's another c-section, but at least I'll be able to pick the day that way. But I really want a VBAC. The suspense is killing me or at least wearing me out.

Lately I have given a lot of thought to the concept of biblical rebukes. I think I can say despite my fleshly defensiveness, I have never been actually rebuked as defined by God. Oh, I've been told that I have offended people on more than one occasion, but is that a rebuke? What is a rebuke? What's the difference? I think through my pondering and praying God has revealed to me a little about what a rebuke should be and why so few believers know how to give one, much less receive one.

God has a lot to say about rebukes. The first thing to fully trust is that rebukes are a command, not an option. Leviticus19:17 says "Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt." Jesus directs in Luke 17:3 "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." Does that mean that whenever I am angry with my neighbor I need to tell him in order to not feel guilty or to pry out an apology? I believe that is a prideful perversion of God's intent.

So what is God's intent with this command to rebuke? What does He want to accomplish? Seeking that answer should be the focus of any rebuke. Proverbs 15:31 refers to rebukes as "life-giving." Proverbs 19:25 says they give knowledge. Second Timothy 4:2 says to rebuke with "great patience and careful instruction." Right away I should recognize the significance of such a command. I had better do this right.

So let's say someone has hurt my feelings. I'm offended. My first reaction is to tell them they hurt me. I think I should get it my feelings off my chest so that the hurt won't build up and cause a divide in our relationship. Hmmm. That sounds good at first, but I believe this is not a good idea. The first reaction ought to be to go immediately to God about my hurt. Then I may get His perspective if I ask the right questions.

First, am I wanting an apology? Well, those are always nice to hear, but is an apology necessary before I forgive? Absolutely not. Jesus forgave me on the cross long before I knew I was even sorry. So telling someone they hurt me may sound like a demand for an apology they may or may not be ready to give. I must have this desire settled in my heart before ever considering a rebuke. I don't need an apology. I forgive as the Lord forgives.

Second, I ask myself if this is a rare offense. Any human could have a bad day and be bogged down by our circumstances. Maybe that person didn't even realize he did anything wrong. Maybe nothing personal was meant at all, they were just angry about something else and it came out on me. Or maybe, just maybe, I made some false assumptions and the other person really didn't do anything wrong. I was the one in the bad mood, or maybe I caught something out of context. Regardless, I should talk to God about this and ask Him to help me see the situation through His eyes, love the other person, and completely let this thing go. Taking my own hurt to the other person in this situation may only make me appear too sensitive or needy, or worse yet, I could scare the other person into not wanting to be around me for fear of unintentionally setting me off. I'll let God alone deal with their hearts on this one. He really is the only one who truly knows what is going on inside them. I don't want to make the situation worse. I will simply have to choose to let it go remembering that true forgiveness means I am not going to bring it up again in words or actions.

Now, if what hurt me is something I see as a chronic problem in the other person I need to ask God and possibly others what the real issue is. Every sin is caused by wrong attitudes and every wrong attitude is caused by wrong beliefs and values. When I consider rebuking someone for their behavior, I have to consider what deeper wrong attitude is this person expressing in these words or actions. Is it impatience, bitterness, anger, and so on? The reason this is so essential is that a rebuke has nothing to do with me, it is about the other person and God. The whole purpose of a rebuke is not to fix my own relationship with the other person but to fix their relationship with God. Read that again. The fact that they are chronic offenders of others and me is a sign that they are not where they should be in their walk with the Lord. Something deeper is holding them back, trapping them. A rebuke is designed by God to bring us closer to Him. That is why it is referred to as "life-giving." A wise man accepts this rebuke because he wants to be closer to God and free from the slavery of sin.

If that is the purpose of the rebuke, the style of the rebuke has to be love. Proverbs 27:5 says, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love." In Revelation 3:19 God says, "Those whom I love, I rebuke." And also in Hebrews 12:5, "And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves and He punishes everyone He accepts as son."" A true Godly rebuke can only be done in love because it is solely for the benefit of the other, not for me, the giver of the rebuke. Rebukes are selfless so there is no place for any anger or feelings of resentment or entitlement on my part. If I truly love someone, I want him or her closer to the Creator and Savior. The only hurt I should feel is for the trapped sinner missing out on fellowship with his Christ. So I'm not going to nitpick about how the other has hurt me. I'm going to focus on whatever is keeping them out of that holy fellowship. When my heart is full of love for the "sinner" my words will be loving, encouraging, and positive.

It may be this lack of love that keeps people from finally accepting a "rebuke" and repenting. (Who wants to be the cause of more hardness of heart?) Some of us, including me, will probably be defensive at first. No one wants to hear they are wrong. I know that Proverbs 12:1b says that "he who hates correction is stupid." I'd rather be wrong than stupid. I hope that if I am given a loving, selfless rebuke, my defenses would gradually drop until I became grateful to the messenger for caring enough to want that right relationship for me, to have the guts to talk to me, and the wisdom to do it right. "He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue." Proverbs 28:23

Here's a little update. I asked my dad how to do the fan thing. I did it the way he told me and, of course, sparks flew. (Sorry about that Jason.) So my dad came by Saturday and it was hooked correctly that time but there was an exposed wire. Anyway, the good news is he taught me what the wires were for and how to get the fan to bypass the wall switch. The 3 of us did the fan in the kitchen, then we redid the fan in the kitchen. It made me so happy, but 60 watts just isn't cutting it. Anyway, we then went to Abby's room and did her fan, then we redid her fan. Now she gets to turn on her own light for a change. Then we went to our bedroom and did that fan, then we redid that fan. Nothing ever works right the first time. But now all three fans are working great and the best part is that I now know how to do this on my own. I'll give it a try on Luke's room soon.