Why are things so much more complicated than they should be? I'm trying to install a ceiling fan in my kitchen. I want the fan to run by pull chain and the light to run by wall switch. When I put Abby's fan in, I only had 2 wires, black and white. I didn't see any option for bypassing the wall switch easily so both are controlled by the wall switch. I opened up the kitchen outlet only to find 6 wires, 3 white and 3 black. I got the fan running independant of the wall switch but the light wouldn't work. I've tried several combinations and sparks have flown once. Sometimes the 2nd light in the kitchen works and sometimes it doesn't. I'm retarded. I guess I'll have to call in my dad. One of these days he won't be around and then we will all be screwed. I've got so much to learn.

I'm so freakin' bored.

I don't normally write my insights from my personal Bible study because I don't want to sound like a sermon or that I'm talking to anyone in particular. I'm actually talking to myself here so don't mind me...
I was reading Colossians 3 from The Message. "Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ - that's where the action is. See things from His perspective...Your new life, which is your real life...is with Christ in God. He is your life..."

I was thinking just how absorbed I am with the things right in front of me - Abigail, Jason, Luke. These people are great but I realized they are only the setting of my life (if it were a book or something). The setting is very important to the story but Jesus is the PLOT of my life. He is what it's all about. If I could realize how simple this is, that Jesus is my real life, the rest is temporary, so many decisions would be much simpler to make. What others do to me is not so important. What others think of me is, well, really unimportant. How I look in those pants, dumb. My expectations for others to meet my needs (especially Jason) becomes obviously pointless. What's the meaning of life? Mine is so radically simple, Christ. I need to get my eyes off the ground everyday and see where the action is.

It's also kind of funny, after I was thinking about this plot and settings analogy, a song popped into my head. Not coincidentally, it was "Lost the Plot" by Newsboys. Some of the lyrics actually agreed with my own thoughts. I don't think I really got this song completely before. I love when that happens. Bear with me here...

"When you come back again would you bring me something from the fridge?
Heard a rumor that the end is near but I just got comfortable here.
Sigh, Let's be blunt. I'm a little distracted. What do you want?
Headaches and bad faith are all that I've got.
First I misplaced the ending, then I lost the plot.
Out among the free-range sheep while the big birds sharpen their claws.
For a time we stuck with the shepherd but you wouldn't play Santa Claus.
Sigh, Let's be blunt. I'm a little distracted. What do you want?
Once we could follow, now we cannot.
You would not fit our image so we lost the plot.
Once we could hear you, now our senses are shot.
We've forgotten our first love. We have lost the plot.
When I saw you for the first time, you were hanging with a thief.
And I knew my hands were dirty, and I dropped my gaze.
Then you said I was forgiven and you welcomed me with laughter.
I was happy ever after. I was counting the days when you'd come back again.
We'll be waiting for you. When you coming back again? We'll be ready for you.
Maybe we'll wake up when...Maybe we'll wake up when you come back again.
Lies. Let's be blunt. We're a little unfaithful. What do you want?
Are you still listening? Cause we're obviously not.
We've forgotten our first love. We have lost the plot.
And why are you still calling? You forgave, we forgot.
We're such experts at stalling that we've lost the plot. Lost the plot..."

Can I just say have a great life. I have the best job staying with Abby. She is wonderful. And Jason has to be one of the best husbands out there (not that I have a basis for comparison). My house is small and comfortable. I live in a great neighborhood. I have several good friends and a great family. Luke will be out before Christmas. I love my church. If God never did anything else besides die for me, that would be enough to make my life great, so who am I that He should keep giving and giving just to have a relationship with me? It makes no sense. I have to be one of the worst daughters He has but He never mentions that. Amazing...

The nursery is painted a shade of green. Jason actually likes it. It looks good with cardinal red and with dark blue. I love when things work out. Now I just need to install a ceiling fan. I updated all of the outlets and the light switch. I don't know why I thought that would be too complicated for me. When I opened them up, it was pretty self-explanatory. I tried not to be too proud of myself, but I was very happy to have tried something new.

Another new thing I'm trying just came up. Jason and I are going to lead (facilitate) a Bible study at church this fall. I'm scared about that. More to come on that later.